Specially Dedicated to Adrian Wong and to my friends who know me...

I know what you have done to hurt yourself is indeed wishing it's for my own good. I know you felt the pain even greater when i fell but you choose to keep the pain to yourself and to leave me alone so that i can find my own way to stand up. The reason behind is always only one. You just want me to be a better person.

Whenever i cried, complain and blame for the unfairness of my life, you will blame on yourself for being so harsh on me. In the end, you'll hold my hands and lead me to get up from where i fell. So that's how i get on my life - is always with your help. That's how you always wanted to help me but failed to do so whenever i cried. There's time when u being harsh on me. You closed your arms, shut you doors. You don't call me when i need you and when i called, you chose to avoid the calls. The reason is still the same. Want me to be a better person by letting me to figure out my problems and to solve it on my own. And yet you afraid that you'll loosen your arms and help me again whenever u heard me crying. And then i failed to learn again. You felt the pain in your heart even greater when you reject my calls. BUT me myself being selfish, thinking that as a special person to me, you should help me instead of doing so. But now i knew what you did to me is how u r bringing me up. I'm growing up. And i wish to continue growing up. I dowan to stay at age 17, 18. I want you to be proud of me not just being good but being a better person and am still trying to be better. I know there's no one on earth knows how to loves me more than you. But it hurts when i know that you are hurting yourself even more whenever you are in the process of bringing me up.

All these happens just because of a simple conversation. I asked :" How can i be a better person? I don't know how to do it." You answered :" No problem, just leave it to me."

I knew this is the action of love that makes you willing to hurt yourself just to make me a better person.

Dear, don't always create a harsh situation for me to grow up by hurting yourself. I knew i used to look only at the surface by saying that you don't concern about me. But in actual, you are keeping quiet while hurting yourself to create harsh situation for me to bring me up, and make me tougher and stronger to face problems and to prepare myself for future. Everyone even our close friends thought you are being too harsh on me but everyone include myself had misunderstand you. You chose to shed your tears in your heart silently when you are choosing not to listen to my calls and being accused by everyone because you afraid that i failed to learn again. I knew that i've failed to be what you've expected eventhough you won't really mind if i'm changing or not but just hope for me to be a better person. I've disappoint you for so many times. Even so, you won't stop bringing me up. Whenever you do so, it hurts you more by adding more disappointment that leads to frustration.

Here i sincerely apologize with my whole heart for being so 'looking at surface' and always accused you for being harsh on me. And thank you for your tolerance for these 2 and a half years. I really appreciate it. Now i truly felt i'm very bad. Me as your special one not standing at your side and misunderstand your intentions. I understand why you felt so hurt about being accused by me myself. Because i should be the one who understand you. Even the entire world felt you are bad but me myself shouldn't have misunderstand you. You don't mind what people thinks about you. But you don't wish to see the person who you love so much misunderstand you and look at you like passer-bys.. Here i truly apologize, no matter how many times i apologize, i know it wont mend your heart. I don't hope you to forgive me by now. Hopefully time will tells.

Now it's already reached your limits. I promise you and everyone who knows me, i'll improve myself to be a better person FOR MYSELF no matter how hard is the process. I don't care how hard that will be, I just want you and everyone being my special guests in my life, to be proud of me. I've told you and even promised you many times but that didn't last for long. But i'm confident that this is the time. I want to do this for myself but not others!